Home > Family|Finances > Family > Should Grandparents Spoil Grandkids?

Should Grandparents Spoil Grandkids?

Published Apr 23, 2005

Man, am I on dangerous ground now! You can mess with a man or woman’s personal life, financial life, spiritual life, but don’t mess around with the grandkids! Well, I’m going to do some “messing” around today.

I love my thirteen grandchildren, scattered from California to Arizona to Illinois, to Indiana, to Florida, but I always determined that I would treat them the same as I did my own children. If not, am I not saying that I treated my own children wrongly? Now where I failed my own children, I am willing to correct that with my grandchildren as I have the opportunity.

I love my thirteen grandchildren…. but I always determined that I would treat them the same as I did my own children. If not, am I not saying that I treated my own children wrongly?

Many grandparents say they have a “right” to spoil their grandchildren, and I am sure that many don’t really mean that. But many are doing just that.

Grandparents should not permit grandchildren to take over the home when they come to visit. They should not “put up things” so the little rascals won’t break them. Why not teach them to leave things alone? Of course, that will take time, patience and some things will get broken, but it is worth it if the little dears get trained.

What happens if the parents don’t want the children to be corrected? Do it anyway if they are your responsibility for a few days.

Should a grandparent spank a grandchild? Of course, you love him or her don’t you? God loves us and spanks us when we do wrong, so shouldn’t a grandparent do the same if he has the same motivation?

But what if the parents permit them to throw a ball in the house, climb on beds, open drawers, etc. No problem. Just tell them that they aren’t home! These are YOUR house rules.

Many grandparents feel compelled to always purchase items for the grand-children that are the same or equal in value, but children are different and should be treated differently—although favoritism should not be permitted.

My wife and I will not take a gift to the other grandchildren simply because another one has a birthday. It is not everyone’s birthday. It is his or hers. Why not teach children that they should rejoice in the good fortune of a brother or sister?  Why teach them to be selfish and self-centered?

Grandparents are older than their children (awesome!) so they should have learned from mistakes and there is a tendency toward mellowing as one gets older. While that is good, it can also be bad. Mellow also means “soft,” and most grandparents get “soft” toward their grandchildren.

Many grandparents also experience guilt at the way they treated their own children: too harsh, little time spent with them, not much money, etc., so they try to “make it up” to their grandchildren—to their determent.

Some grandparents feel a need to “purchase” the love of a grandchild by spending money, little discipline, etc.

Grandparents also are often afraid that they will antagonize their children if they get tough with the grandkids so they walk softly and don’t carry a “big stick.” Or a little stick. That isn’t love.

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Comments

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Torontomember
Apr 3, 2010 3:37pm [ 1 ]

Your point is totally understood when a child is having a birthday, NO, of course you don’t bring the other grandchildren presents. That’s just not fair to the grandchild who is having the birthday and it total takes the excitement and experience of enjoyment of the birthday away from the grandchild if you did that. Every grandchild has their own birthday and until its their turn they don’t get a present before that.

As for disciplining the grandchild you can take away privileges or simply just call the parent to come pick up their child and end the visit as a form of punishment. Don’t ever hit your grandchild. As for those grandparents who antagonize their grandchildren, that is abuse and those grandparents need to stop, especially when they had been instructed by the parent that it is unacceptable. Some times grandchildren throw temper tantrums and the more you bother a child when they are in that state only makes it worst. Wait until the child has calm down then explain to them. Today I encountered a situation with my mother and my children. We were are the park enjoying our day then out of the blue one child throws sand into their siblings face. So the mother decided to end the day at the park and take everyone home this being the punishment for misbehaving. (By leaving the park). The child began throwing a fit and the grandmother started saying stuff to the grandchild making the child become even more upset. The mother instructs the grandmother to just pick him up and bring him to the car and not to say anything else to the child. After everyone in the vehicle as the mother starts driving then grandmother starts antagonizing her grandchild making the child become extremely upset making it a very dangerous situation as the mother trying to drive the mother tells the grandmother to please leave her child alone and let him calm down the more you say to him the more upset he just gonna get. Then the grandmother responds I say what ever I want to him when I want. This is very unacceptable behaviour on part of the grandparent when a parent has clearly instructed the grandparent not to do something. The grandparent crosses the line. What the grandmother was saying to the grandchild was “your really gonna get it when you get home your mother really gonna give it to you”. And other things similar to that effect. This really was a form of installing fear into their grandchild into believing that their parent would harm them which is a form of abuse this type of behaviour from a grandparent is unacceptable that this grandmother was doing and it really upset the mother also because she does not hurt her children and doesn’t want her children to ever have that fear. Then when they got to the grandparent’s home the grandparent had the nerve to get mad at the mother. It things like this that make people not want to have the grandparents around or seen on a regular basis. There’s also another thing that a grandparent should never do which is interfere with the raising of their grandchild because everyone is entitled and has the right to raise their child/ren their own way. Just like the grandparents had their turn when they were once parents they need to learn to step back and let the parents raise their children without interference. It’s ok to give suggestions and it’s not ok to force them onto a parent. Remember you’re just the grandparent, you already had your turn in being a parent so stop trying to deprive your child from having their turn at parenting. Also just because your way is not their way, you shouldn’t be getting upset. If anything you should just be happy to be there and the less interference and stress you cause the parents the better the relationship will be for everyone. I hope this sheds some light and I hope the grandparents really start to understand it’s not that parents don’t want them in their lives, it’s just the parents don’t have to put up with over bearing controlling bossy grandparents. Parents have the right to be able to raise their children the way that they see is best fit for their own children just like you got to do.

Thank you

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