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What You'll Never Hear a Politician Say!

Published Nov 25, 2006

Following is an unlikely news conference where a major politician says:

Ladies and gentlemen of the media if I get elected, I will ask myself these questions before I decide to support a bill: Is this proposed bill moral? Would it promote decency and order in society? Is it Constitutional or would our Founding Fathers be aghast if this were passed into law? Can we afford this law? Do we really need this bill to become law? Do we need this to be law at this present time? Does it advance unnecessary control over innocent citizens? Is this bill part of the New World Order agenda?
          
If I am elected I will do what I can to cut all taxes, eliminate the Internal Revenue Service and put the government on a diet. Why should taxpayers always be the ones to sacrifice to satisfy an insatiable government? Government can cut its programs and permit citizens to keep the money that they have worked so hard to earn.
          
I will force every department of government to slash, not just cut, all regulations. It is insane that there are hundreds of pages of IRS regulations that no one, I repeat, that no one really comprehends.
          
I will immediately disband the Department of Education (since there is not a word about education in the Constitution) and the Department of Energy. That will result in thousands of bureaucrats being turned out into society where they will do something valuable and get the government out of areas where it has no business being. I will then go after other departments to see which ones are really essential.
          
I will see to it that the U.S. takes control of her borders once again. Illegal aliens will be arrested and returned to their place of origin. The second time, they will be arrested and put to work on a chain gang. If our neighbors (especially Mexico) do not energetically cooperate with us to eliminate illegal aliens, we will retaliate against them economically. 
          
I will also slash the number of legal immigrants entering the U.S. and will see that most of those will come from European nations. After a reasonable balance has been reached, we will consider opening up to other cultures.
         
While left-wingers will whine and decry this as discrimination, they can whine and decry all they please, but I believe that it is only reasonable to seek to continue our culture that we have been developing for three hundred years. 
         
As to homosexuality, I promise to never call them “gays” but homosexuals, perverts, or sodomites. That is not hatred but good, standard English. Those terms provide a perfect understanding of the point of discussion and do not bow to the political and incorrect use of “gay.” Whoever first called homosexuals “gay” either did not understand what “gay” meant or did not know anything about perversion.
         
As to perverts in the military, they will not be accepted, and if discovered will be dishonorably discharged. They will not be beaten, harassed, or harmed in any way, but they will be considered inappropriate for military service.
        
As to homosexuals in civilian life, I will recommend that each state deal with it as they did two hundred years ago. My recommendation is that sodomy be illegal in each state and the sodomy laws be enforced with vigor. However, to keep the knees from jerking so violently across the nation, I would not, I repeat, would not put a camera in every bedroom. Only in 10% of the bedrooms! Just joking. What’s wrong with you media people? Have you  totally lost your sense of humor. Or only your sense?
        
I would suggest that each state enforce sodomy laws whenever there is proof that sodomy has occurred. If a sodomite molests a youngster under sixteen years old, I would recommend:  life in prison without parole. For rape of either gender I would like to recommend the death penalty, but the media, the churches and the schools have made that impossible. I will settle for life without parole.              

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