Young people, along with preachers, teachers and other speakers, are the best clients of joke book peddlers, so I must issue a word of explanation: Don't ever think that a drunk joke gives any credibility to drunks! Drinking, like lying, stealing, killing, promiscuous sex, etc. are not only sinful but stupid!

The essence of humor is exaggeration and the exaggeration must be timely! Telling a friend who just returned from burying his mother a funeral joke is crass, crude and not Christian. It's also dumb. Divorce is not funny if your parents just split. It is not fun to be in prison. A convicted killer sitting on death row is not amused over the sign that hangs over the electric chair: "You can be sure if it's Westinghouse." Humor must be timely and tasteful.

Enjoy these excerpts from "Dr. Boys' BIG Book of Humor" but keep your head on straight. Oh, by the way, you had better not smart off to the wrong person with one of the One Liners.

He may be listed in Who's Who but he doesn't know what's what.

He's very sympathetic. He buries his head in his hands in the subway. He can't bear to see an old lady stand.

He's had bad luck with two wives. The first one left him and the second one won't.

My wife keeps reminding me that her allowance isn't nearly as big as her alimony would be.

He'd steal a dead fly from a blind spider.

The only time he picks up the check is when it's made out to him.

Someone should rent him out to a near-sighted knife thrower.

My girl friend likes flowers so I sent her a package of seeds.

If you don't go to folks' funerals, you can't expect them to come to yours.

He got his client a suspended sentence. They hung him.

I made a killing in the stock market yesterday. I shot my broker.

"My uncle died in the Spring and Fall"

"How could he die in the spring and in the fall?"

"The warden pulled the spring and he died in the fall."

To prevent a head cold from going to your chest, just tie a knot in your neck.

Did you hear about the cannibal who went to a psychiatrist because he was fed up with people?

Now that he's older, he knows his way around, but he doesn't feel like going.

Even Mason and Dixon had to draw the line someplace.

The fastest dogs are in Alaska. The trees are really far apart.

It must have been love at first sight. If she had taken a second look, she'd have turned and run.

I have the best wife in the country, and sometimes I wish she'd stay there.

He's marrying a female X-ray specialist. No one else can see anything in him.

She's all preaches and scream.

They call her 'Appendix' because if you take her out once, that's enough.

Many a man thinks he has an open mind when it's merely vacant.

People who live is glass houses might as well answer the doorbell.

It's always dullest just before the yawn

The only man with his troubles all behind him is a schoolbus driver.

He started out in life as an unwanted child. Now he's wanted in ten states.

He's a man of convictions. And he's served time for everyone of them.

My hair will be white as long as I live, and hers will be black as long as she dyes.

She's one of the 40 million overweight women. These, of course are round figures.

She weighs one hundred and plenty

His idea of a balanced diet is a beer in each hand.

Passing through U.S Customs, he was asked if he had any pornographic literature, and he said, "I don't even own a pornograph."

She knew Heinz when he had only 19 varieties.

A fine is a tax that you pay for doing wrong and a tax is a fine you pay for doing all right.

He drinks like a fish. Too bad he doesn't drink what fish drink.

Girls who eat lots of sweets

will develop larger seats.

Sign in a hotel room: "Don't smoke in bed. The ashes that fall on the floor may be your own."

I had a neighbor who smoked so many Camels he got a hump on his back.

When my brother was a kid our mother sent his picture to Ripley and it was promptly returned, marked, "I don't believe it!"

If all the people who sleep in church were placed end to end, they would be more comfortable.

A motorist had the bad fortune to become bogged down in a muddy road and finally had to pay a passing farmer $50.00 to pull him out of the mire with his tractor. When he was back on dry ground, the motorist said to the farmer, "Mister, at these prices I would think you would be pulling people out of that mud hole night and day."

"Nope. Can't," replied the farmer, "At night I haul water for the hole."

A farmer once called his cow, Zephyr:

She seemed such an amiable hephyr.

When the farmer drew near,

She kicked off his ear,

Which made him considerably dephyr.

A nifty lady named Jane,

While walking was caught in the rain.

She ran -- almost flew;

Her complexion did too,

And she reached home exceedingly plain.

There was an old Monk in Siberia

Whose existance grew steadily drearier;

Till he broke from his cell,

With a terrible yell,

And eloped with the Mother Superior.

Ruth rode on my motorbike

Directly back of me;

I hit a bump at 65,

And rode on Ruthlessly.

Women's faults are many

Men have only two;

Everything they say

And everything they do.